3 Honestly Painful Things Others Have Told Me
I believe when we are more honest with others, it sometimes opens opportunity to feel hurt by the words of others. On the flip-side, when someone tells you something, they perceive as an “HONEST opinion,” they are doing 3 things for you:
- mirroring the world around them by expressing all of the stimuli they experience around them or in their past
- they are baring their soul to you
- they are sometimes sharing what they fear.
If they are close to you, they are “trying to help you out.” When it doesn’t come from a place of love and respect, its hard to see how it is helpful. It’s important to note when this is happening.
Say for instance, if you tell someone, “that skirt doesn’t look good on you,” ask yourself what form of honesty is this and where does it stem from. It may not look good to you, because of what the media perceived to look good. Before you jump into why they have the skirt on in the first place, have you taken the time out to understand who they are. Are they wearing the skirt for religious reasons or are they doing it because they are trying to send a message. Just remember, your opinion is not fact nor is it the truth. If you are on the receiving end of the stick, just remember, as long has you know why and what you do, you do not have to explain it to anyone. No one else gets to live your amazing life, so enjoy it!
“Silence is the source of Great Stength.”
Lao Tzu
Then, there’s brutal honesty! This the type of honesty that hurt and haunts. You may not remember saying this, but someone else may. It’s how someone makes you feel that which endures.
3 Brutal Honest things that people have said to me.
Your frame is too small. You wont survive high school.
This came from woman my dad was briefly dating during his darkest years. She was a large light-shinned woman. She had large round hips filled out her police uniform. She was hard. She reminded me of my first step-mother — sometimes cold.
Age 12 and 13 is a hard for many young girls. While some girls are blossoming, others are latent and struggling to catch up and fit in. For my culture, largeness was ideal. If you were small, this meant you could be pushed around and you were not as attractive. I experienced weight fluctuation while trying to fit in with the sports in school. I didn’t know I was over weight until I was measured in school. Social pressured predicted my idea life expectancy one might add.
So, for a long time, it was hip to have hips and it was in to have things stick out. In lower income communities, it is almost expected. In these communities, fresh fruit and vegetable are less accessible and organic is a foreign term. Liquor stores are main stays and hangout destinations. Dangers of sugar isn’t as popular nor is health a concern. Yes, these things were taught in school, but the community around us did not reflect it. So when this Police Officer told me I was too small, she was only showing me what her culture/surroundings had shown her.
Why care? You won’t be going to college anyway.
I heard this sitting in my high school counselor’s office my junior year. 2 year prior, I was in that same office begging to return the same program with in the high school. She argued, there are only so many seats and there’s a waiting list. A month before, at the age of 16, I met my mother and had decided to live with her. I spent the next few years almost giving up. Then it came time to apply for University and I had almost given up. Something snapped inside of me. I knew that if I stayed where I was, didn’t go to college, I’d be repeating some of the same mistakes my parents made.
When I heard the counselor say this, I can remember screaming back, upset and confused. I do remember saying, “you don’t know who I am.” I think this brutal, yet false honesty was the punch in the face I needed. I would recount this memories often.
This wasn’t the only driver for my decision to pursue college. I was humbly involved in an enriching summer and after school program called the YMCA YI. This is where I first got the resources and understanding of the importance of goal setting and maximizing potentials in life. Defeating this negative remark was on the hallmarks of my success.
-Ugly dyke!
Although, I didn’t hear this from the girl who said it, I fellow classmate told me. On a hot day, we sat on the ground where our class usually met. The Coach ask for a volunteer to run to the office to turn in the late attendance. I was the first to raise my hand. I grabbed the folder and sprinted to the office. upon returning, I caught wind of the comments said “popular” girl in P.E. It came from a girl who wore hooped earrings and air forces to P.E. Then would complain about mental cramps as much as she complained about the heat. I’m only trying to pain a picture. It always confused me as to why some people would wear make-up and nice clothes if they going to get ruined. Priorities and different goals perhaps.
Do I remember the girl’s name or face? No. Was I upset. Of course not! I fueled my flame to be even more different and free. For me, the walls of my High School did not shape my life. What words people called me did not effect in the long run, but it did hurt. I wish I knew then what I do now.
This comment has imprinted, because it show courage to turn away from the status quo. I think the theme in all of these memories is staying true self and learning who you are along the way!
I thank these 3 women. Because of them, I am not a statistic and confined to one expectation. I have always felt like an outlier. I hope to continue to live an Honest and Strange Life.
Lastly,
I would like to thank Terrance, Atra, Kayla and Rita for your kind words. You all gave me the motivation to continue to share my heart.
Take these words with a grain of salt. We live in the same world, but we see and understand everything differently. This is the beauty of diversity.
If you’re interested in reading Part 1, head over to Umberosia.com. Thank you for your time and energy.
Das + UMBEROSIA
